Social media, like the internet itself, has the ability to connect people, share knowledge and improve our lives. Unfortunately, like the internet, social media has the ability to tear people down, create self-doubt and intentionally mislead. Many young girls in our society today, pre-teen through young adults, are being manipulated and lied to on Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and YouTube, as well as by popular podcasts. Our daughters are losing themselves in the face of this constant bombardment and are making dangerous and life-altering choices in a desperate attempt to be accepted.
Why girls and not boys? Young males are certainly being negatively affected by what they see on social media and the internet as well, but in very different ways. The over-sexualization of society that has steadily progressed over the past 60 years exposes our boys to images and discussions that obsess on sex and normalize deviant sexual desires and actions. Young men, however, are generally more interested in social media for what they can see, or information they can learn, and are more detached from the content. Young girls are generally more interested in social media to develop a sense of belonging and inclusion and are therefore emotionally connected to what they are seeing and learning.
Most of us are aware of the negative consequences of social media for our pre-teen and teenage daughters. The primary messages that young girls are receiving from their phones is that they are not as beautiful as they should be, their body shape is wrong, they are wearing the wrong clothes, and they are not hanging with the right kids. Once that message is locked in, it is easy to influence this group into spending the money or making the necessary changes to live up to society’s expectations. By purchasing the right (expensive) clothes and makeup, by losing the right amount of weight, by wearing clothes that sexualize your body at younger and younger ages, and being the ‘fun’ girl (alcohol, vaping, drugs, etc.), our girls are told, you will be happy and finally have that sense of belonging that you are so desperate for.
Many of the female teen idols, Hollywood stars, and music icons promote the same dangerous and empty ideologies. There is no pursuit of what makes a strong woman or what makes a loyal friend, or what makes women unique and special (beyond their sexuality). This constant bombardment inevitably leads to the epidemics that are destroying our young ladies, including anxiety, eating disorders, sexual promiscuity, abortion, suicide, loneliness, and a myriad of mental health issues.
These influences continue well past the teen years. When most men have long since stopped following social media, many women continue to absorb the same type of content through their twenties and even into their thirties. One of the most popular podcasts in the country, which recently made headlines, is a podcast for women under thirty-five that primarily discusses sex in a twisted, immature, and vulgar manner. If a group of men twenty years ago were viewing this same material, they would rightly be called out as sex-crazed perverts, and certainly not marriage material. In a desperate attempt to gain ‘control’ and acceptance, millions of young women are falling prey to this deception, which will only lead to more self-doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and loneliness.
This devastating, destructive social media trend for girls has now progressed to self-mutilation and the vain attempt to reject being female, all to dull the confusion in the mind and the hurting in the heart.
The good news is that we as parents can shield our daughters from some of this media onslaught, and, more importantly, fortify them to know who they are as children of God and then to hold tight to that knowledge in the midst of all the other voices. Both moms and dads have a critical role in this process, and it is a role that some have been abdicating with the breakup of families and the onset of technology. Moms can lead by example. Sure, it is ok to want to look nice, exercise, and use social media, but we need to convince ourselves and by default our daughters, that we are not dependent on the opinion of others to determine our self-worth or our sense of confidence. Develop non-negotiable moral standards for yourself, set difficult goals (personal, professional, social) and do your best to reach them, and surround yourself with strong women and men that understand and support you for who you are.
Do not buy into the lie that our daughters need to sexualize themselves or pretend to be something they are not in order to have a boyfriend or hang with the popular crowd. On the opposite side of the coin, be careful not to encourage your daughter to reject societal norms and become different just to be different. Both of these approaches begin with fear and are a response to the social media drumbeat. Instead, raise strong girls (in mind and body) that have a variety of interests and know right from wrong. When the storms come, as they surely will, they will be battered, but they will not be beaten or changed.
Dads, your role is probably more critical than mom’s in raising a confident daughter. If a girl knows that her father loves her and is proud of her for who (not what) she is, no other man’s opinion and certainly no other social influencer’s opinion will shake that confidence. Keep in mind, dads, that the way you treat your wives, mother, and other women you interact with, will speak louder than your words.
So, begin today. Require your daughters to do more and scroll less. Encourage them to learn a new sport, take up a new hobby, expand their friend group, exercise, go to a youth group at your church or serve the community. Spend quality time together and let them know how great they are – regularly. It may be easier to let them scroll, but the consequences may be devastating.