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The Greatest Bedtime Story of All

Posted on by mvoet2013

Luke Ch. 3; Matthew Ch. 1 and 2.

Now, this is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. When his mother Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found with child through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her husband, an upright man unwilling to expose her to the law, decided to divorce her quietly. Such was his intention, when suddenly the angel of the lord appeared in a dream and said to him: “Joseph, son of David, have no fear about taking Mary as your wife. It is by the Holy Spirit that she has conceived this child. She is to have a son, and you are to name him Jesus because he will save his people from their sins.”

All this happened to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin shall be with child and give birth to a son, and they shall call him Emmanuel,” a name which means “God is with us.” When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had directed him and received her into his home as his wife.

In those days, Caesar Augustus published a decree ordering a census of the whole world. This first census took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone went to register each to his own town. And so, Joseph went from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to David’s town of Bethlehem – because he was of the house and lineage of David – to register with Mary, his espoused wife, who was with child.

While they were there, the days of her confinement were completed. She gave birth to her first-born son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the place where travelers lodged.

There were shepherds in that region, living in the fields and keeping night watch by turns over their flocks. The angel of the Lord appeared to them as the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were very much afraid. The angel said to them: “You have nothing to fear! I come to proclaim good news to you – tidings of great joy to be shared by the whole people. This day, in David’s city, a savior has been born to you, the Messiah and Lord. Let this be a sign to you: in a manger you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes.”

Suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in high heaven, peace on earth to those on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to one another: “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this event which the Lord has made known to us.” They went in haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the bay lying in the manger; once they saw, they understood what had been told them concerning this child. All who heard of it were astonished at the report given them by the shepherds.

After Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem of Judea, during the reign of King Herod, astrologers from the east arrived one day in Jerusalem inquiring, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We observed his star at its rising and have come to pay him homage.” At this news, King Herod became greatly disturbed, and with him all Jerusalem. Summoning all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Messiah was to be born. “In Bethlehem of Judea,” they informed him. “And you, Bethlehem, land of Judah, are by no means least among the princes of Judah, since from you shall come a ruler who is to shepherd my people Israel.”

Herod called the astrologers aside and found out from them the exact time of the star’s appearance. Then he sent them to Bethlehem, after having instructed them: “Go and get detailed information about the child. When you have found him, report it to me so that I may go and offer him homage too.”

After their audience with the king, they set out. The star which they had observed at its rising went ahead of them, until it came to a standstill over the place where the child was. They were overjoyed at seeing the star, and on entering the house, found the child with Mary, his mother. They prostrated themselves and did him homage. Then they opened their coffers and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

They received a message in a dream not to return to Herod, so they went back to their own country by another route.

Mary treasured all these things and reflected on them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, in accord with what had been told them.

From the Life Tools Tutoring family to yours, we wish you a blessed, joyful and peaceful Christmas season.

Career Exploration

Posted on by mvoet2013

There are few conversations more uncomfortable to witness than a well-meaning uncle or family friend asking a junior or senior in high school what they intend to do when they graduate. The vast majority of the answers are vague and impressive sounding: “My plan is to head off to Madison, but I’m not sure what I will be studying yet,” or, “For sure something in the medical field because I took a crime scene forensics class that I really liked.” Most of these answers involved very little research or introspection and were crafted for the benefit of the asker.

To be sure, some 17-year-olds know exactly what career they would like to pursue, and some have known from a young age. A percentage of these students have a very straight path from high school, through college or trade school, and into a successful livelihood. Even for these ‘lucky’ students, however, many of them find that the career field they knew they wanted was not everything they had hoped it would be, and they eventually decide to take a different path.

How strange that we, as a society, do very little to expose our young people to the ‘options’ that exist in the working world and yet stare at them expectantly when we ask them, “What’s your plan?”

This process can be a time of anxiety and confusion for many students, especially if we advise them to take out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans in order to figure out where they fit. In addition, a major reason that students are unmotivated in the classroom is that they have not identified what careers they might be interested in, and, as a result, are unable to connect the dots between high school academics and pursuing their career goals.

So how can we, as local communities, assist our high school students (and even our middle school students), to experience what career fields and specific positions the world has to offer? As a starting point, we need to avoid the temptation to put this urgent obligation on the shoulders of the schools. Most teachers and administrators would be very willing to be a strong collaborating partner in this effort, but as I wrote in a previous blog, the schools are already overwhelmed with mission creep, which is destroying proficiency scores. This effort should be led by the business community and parents and will ultimately provide many benefits for local community in the long run.

What might this Career Exploration program look like specifically? The first step in this process is to prioritize Career Exploration on-par with reading, math, physical fitness, and financial literacy. Career Exploration needs to be a significant part of a student’s ‘education’, even if it is not driven directly by the teachers. But what classes or activities would be sacrificed to make room for this addition? If we, as parents, have learned anything through the virtual leaning experience brought on by Covid, we are clear that there is ‘underutilized’ and in some cases ‘wasted’ time in our students’ school day.

Perhaps we can learn from some local communities who already have programs in place to give students first-hand exposure to work options. Many high schools provide hybrid school / work opportunities that allow students to learn in school in the morning and then investigate a trade by working part-time in the afternoons. The Kimberly School District has an innovative program that introduces students as young as elementary school to guest speakers from ‘the real world’, as well as comprehensive software programs that assist students in exploring their interests and abilities in the context of specific career fields.

Additionally, could we have our Sophomores and Juniors commit an afternoon a week to Career Exploration field trips that provide generic exposure to job opportunities or specific exposure to a targeted industry? What if every student was required to tour a local manufacturing facility to learn about operations, accounting, quality control, purchasing, logistics, management, and office administration? What if we provide our students with the chance to visit a local hospital or nursing home to visit with a nurse, a doctor, a lab technician, or an insurance administrator? What if we created a database of professional people who were willing to meet one-on-one for 30 minutes with a student who has narrowed his / her career search and is interested in asking specific questions to learn more? Even if this Career Exploration process only assists our young people to check the ‘No’ boxes (I’m not interested in that), how much further ahead would they be when the time came to choose a path forward.

I challenge community leaders, business leaders, parents, and school administrators to get the ball rolling by organizing a brain-storming session. As there have been some successes around this concept locally and nationally, let’s review best-practices and implement what works. The future of our country, the future of our businesses, and the future of our students are depending on us.

Love Your Kids by Loving Your Spouse

Posted on by mvoet2013

Over the past 40 years or so, the institution of marriage has had a tough road.  Nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce; many young people are opting out of marriage altogether, choosing instead to cohabitate indefinitely or to simply move from one relationship to another when things get tough; Hollywood and big media have made a mockery of marriage, viewing it as temporary or completely irrelevant.

Many families very close to us have gone through the trauma and heartbreak of divorce.  Lives are uprooted, blame is placed, relationships are bruised, trust is lost, and home becomes a moving target.  In many broken families, parents are forced to cooperate in the raising of the children, which can result in many years of frustration, resentment, and scheduling chaos.  The divorced parents we talk with struggle daily to insulate their children from these repercussions.  In far too many cases, one parent decides to opt out of the marriage, leaving the spouse no choice but to sign the papers and attempt to rebuild his / her life.

The data is clear that with the breakdown of the family unit comes real struggles for so many of our young people. Poverty, increased anxiety and mental health issues (including suicide), and sexual promiscuity are just a few of the challenges that face children that grow up in chaotic family structures.

That having been said, some of the strongest and most courageous people we know are single parents, many of whom have raised / are raising some of the most determined, bright, and self-assured young people that we know.  These parents are committed and selfless, every day, no matter what, with no spouse to lean on when the storms come.  These single moms and dads are generally tough on their kids because they know life is hard and being successful personally and professionally requires strength of mind and character.  Although they seldom complain, most would not wish the challenges and loneliness of single parenting or co-parenting on anyone.

Strong marriages are the core of strong families, and strong families are the foundation upon which strong societies flourish.

As we raise our young people, we need to educate them on the importance and challenges of married life both in word and example.  As Mike and I made our way through the marriage prep classes offered by our church years ago, the seasoned married couples that lead the instruction made it clear to us that being married is hard and takes daily commitment.  Our young people need to know that entering into a marriage covenant means self-sacrifice, not self-indulgence.  A Deacon shared with us that our responsibility as a married couple first and foremost is to get our spouse to heaven. 

Give God a Try

Posted on by mvoet2013

Parenting is not easy.  There is no handbook.  The moment you feel comfortable and have everything figured out, your next child will throw a whole new set of complexities into the equation, causing you to stagger back a few steps.  Our children are susceptible to all types of challenges, including cuts and broken bones, sickness, anxiety, learning challenges, bullying, loneliness, and broken hearts, and our job as parents is to protect them from those hurts as best we can.  Our young people are faced with hundreds of small and large decisions every day from what to wear, to what to eat, to who to spend time with, to what to do with that time, and they look to their parents for guidance and example in making those decisions. 

As Mike and I are working our way through raising five children and running a tutoring company for over 10 years, we have commiserated with many parents who were in the midst of a struggle with one or more of their children.  In sitting with these parents and walking with them through their heartbreak, and then sharing similar experiences we may have had with our own children, we realized that there is generally not a one-size-fits-all solution to these challenges. 

Every family unit is so unique, personalities are so diverse, and individual struggles are so complex, that in many cases we could only listen and assure the parents of our prayers and support through those challenges. 

In dealing with these challenges, parents are often desperate and look to all sort of remedies.  Some parents look to self-help parenting books, some choose therapy for their children, others choose medications, some take a hands-off approach, and some take a helicopter-parent approach.  What most of these parents have in common, regardless of their approach, is that they live with constant doubt and are regularly second-guessing themselves; they often switch from one remedy to the next, as new suggestions or quick-fixes come their way. 

As our children dealt with those same struggles over the years, and as they deal with struggles yet to come, we have and will continue to depend on God to walk with us and to guide us through those challenges.  To be clear, God is not a vending machine, where you can pay with prayer or tithing and then receive the answer or the result you are looking for.  God is far too wonderful and in love with us to make our relationship purely transactional.  Our experience with God has been a friendship crafted in heaven; it is a friendship with Truth and Love Himself. 

As God loves our children even more than we do, we know that His direction and guidance will ultimately result in what’s best for them, even if that direction is difficult or requires patience. 

So how does one develop that relationship with God?  Unfortunately, there is no 5-step program or pill to take.  The good news is that you can begin today, simply by having a conversation with God.  Share your fears and your frustrations and do not be afraid to ask God for what you want.  Share your joys and your blessings, your triumphs, and your failures.  Then be still.  Be quiet.  Listen.  God is there, God is here, and he will answer your prayers.  Pray for the grace to be open to God’s guidance and the strength to do what he asks.  He has not failed us.  This does not mean that our lives and the lives of our children are perfect; however, in those challenges we are full of peace and confidence that we are guiding our children as God would. 

Allow your children to see you praying.  Share with them why you are praying and what your relationship with God means to you.  Encourage them to create their own relationship with God and to walk with Him during the good times and the struggles.  Find other parents and a church community who will support you as you walk with God and will witness to you how He has impacted their lives.  In a world that is full of uncertainty and chaos, give your children the constancy and the sure mooring that only God can provide.  Your children will still have their challenges and they will still suffer, but they will have the assurance that God is a friend that is bigger than all the world.  After all is said and done, your job is to get your children to heaven. 

If you have tried all the solutions the world has to offer, but are still feeling unsettled, give God a try.  He’s been waiting for you.

Reading, ‘Riting, & ‘Rithmetic

Posted on by mvoet2013

While watching the local or national news over the past ten plus years, one cannot help but notice that school boards and administrators have been front and center dealing with a whole host of controversial issues.  Those issues include:

  • “How much sex / lifestyle choices / gender issues should be included in health class?”
  • “Is the school district offering sufficient mental health support for children as the suicide rates continue to rise?”
  • “Should BLM posters be hung in classrooms or is that supporting a political ideology?”
  • “Will the local elementary school be providing the expanded federally-funded breakfast / lunch / dinner program?”
  • “Should ‘school’ include full-day childcare for my three-year-old?”
  • “Does forcing my child to urinate in a cup for mandatory drug tests infringe on her first amendment rights?”
  • “Should we spend $60 million on the new high school building with a pool and an indoor workout facility, or just $55 million with no pool?”

As the education professionals will tell you, the list goes on and on and on. 

All of these issues have one thing in common: they have nothing to do with the original mission of the public school system which is to assist parents in teaching our children reading, writing, arithmetic, and the ability to reason.

To say that the public school system in the United States has been forced into mission creep is the understatement of the past 150 years.  The reason mission creep should be avoided at all costs is that as each new area of focus is added, organizations take their eyes off their primary purpose.  The data is frighteningly clear that math and reading proficiency in the United States has been steadily declining and our young people will surely suffer as a result.  Administrators, teachers, and parents can all agree that school system personnel are pulled in far too many directions and as a result are unable to do any of it well.

So who is responsible for this mission creep and how do we reclaim the lofty and unique calling of the public school system?  As with most national problems, there is a complex matrix of causes and players, and many of those involved had the best of intentions in mind.  Over the past 30 years, as various problems affecting our students have been identified, elected officials have defaulted to the school systems to fix all of these ills for the simple fact that the schools already had many of the kids in their buildings.  But it does take two to tango, and the schools chose to dance.  Because billions of federal, state, and local dollars chase all of these issues, school administrators, school boards, and teachers unions viewed these dollars as an easy way to pad budgets and increase salaries.  In addition, some teachers who possibly should have chosen social work or community activism as their career choice prefer these causes to ‘just teaching’.  Lastly, and probably most importantly, many parents are far too willing to place all of the responsibility of raising their children onto the schools and the professionals who work there.

We as parents have the primary responsibility to rectify this steadily worsening situation; firstly, we must take back and own our duty as parents as the primary educators and caretakers of our children. 

The village can certainly provide a helping hand, but at the end of the day, the buck stops with the parent(s).  We need to do better. 

We need to re-learn algebra if necessary; we need to feed our kids a healthy breakfast before they leave in the morning and have them pack a healthy lunch to take with them; we need to shut off our electronic devices and talk with our children about their friends, their fears, their challenges and their dreams; we need to teach our children respect for and tolerance for all people and all opinions whether or not that view is popular or supported by the latest YouTube star or Hollywood actor; we need to choose schools based on the strength of their academic offerings and not on the number of state basketball championships. 

Politicians and communities need to encourage (and fund) innovative solutions to the challenges young people are experiencing; this will allow new organizations (governmental, non-profit, and for-profit) with separate teams and targeted missions to be charged with those responsibilities.  School administrators and teacher unions and school boards must also advocate for their teachers and refocus on their primary mission – education.  They must have the courage to say ‘no’ to mission creep, even if that means sacrificing the dollars that come with the ask.

Certainly, collaboration and mutual support are critical to achieve success for our young people, but the days of placing all the world’s problems on the front mat of our local schools need to be behind us.  This system is failing our kids.

Will You Let Me Answer Prayers in You

Posted on by mvoet2013

Every high school student that is aspiring to one day attend college understands the importance of community service on his / her resume.  Organizations like Key Club and National Honor Society have community service at the core of their missions and provide a variety of events and activities for students to positively impact their school and/or their local community.  Having been members of both of these organizations, our older children have been able to participate in ringing bells for the Salvation Army, volunteering for blood drives, teaching younger students local history at the Grignon Mansion and collecting food to feed families that are facing financial challenges.  Through these experiences, our children have learned to look beyond themselves and their daily wants and needs and to focus on the needs of others.

Many other religious and service organizations including local church groups, service organizations like Rotary and Lions, and not-for-profits also provide much-needed dollars and resources to struggling populations throughout the country and the world.  In addition, the United States is by far the most generous nation in the world, sending billions of dollars to countries and families that have been stricken with drought, natural disasters, war, or disease.  Let us stay focused to ensure that these wonderful philanthropic efforts continue and expand over time.

Although much good is being accomplished locally, nationally, and internationally, there is an aspect of ‘serving thy neighbor’ that is being swallowed up by the institutionalization of community service.  Specifically, what has been lost in this new idea of group service is the act of being present, one-to-one, to a person in need. 

Many of us can remember a neighbor lady bringing over some warm meat loaf or chicken noodle soup when a loved one had passed.  Or perhaps a team of family and friends worked together to make meals for a family with young children whose mother went through a difficult delivery and was home with a new baby.  Sometimes it was just a telephone call, or an old friend stopping for coffee to ‘see how we were doing’ during a difficult time in our lives. 

None of these acts of being present to another were news worthy.  Huge amounts of money were not raised through a crowd-funding site; no families were given a new house to live in; the Mayor did not give out any humanitarian awards for these simple deeds; and the Earth was not saved from utter destruction.  However, just the same, these acts of loving thy neighbor were, and are, extraordinary.  They are so easy to do, but so difficult, somehow, in our mail-a-check-for-poverty society. 

A friend of mine once said, “I don’t go to funerals because I don’t like them, and I’d rather celebrate a person while they are alive.  Another friend responded, “Funerals are not about you.”  Being present to others does require us to think outside of ourselves; however, the encouraging part of these tremendously valuable experiences is that you do not have to worry about what to say or what to wear or what to bring.  Generally, if you just show up, the heavy lifting has already been done.  Thinking back to the funeral or to that difficult time in our lives, do we even remember what that person said to us when they came to us, or what they were wearing, or what food they brought?  Probably not, but we do remember who was there to sit with us, to listen, to be present to us.

Many of us are praying to God for some sort of miracle in our own lives or in the lives of people we love.  Do you suppose that you might be God’s answer to some of these prayers? 

We may not be able to cure someone of cancer or bring a loved one back to life, but we can do even more wonderous things than these for the hearts of those we touch.  If all of us, when we wake up in the morning, would say ‘Yes!’ to God’s question of, “Will you let me answer prayers in you?”, what a different world we would be living in.  Maybe cut out the words below from the Servant Song and tape them to your bathroom mirror.  Your kids will learn through your example the true meaning of community service.

The Servant Song

We are pilgrims on the journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you
In the nighttime of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I’ll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we’ve seen this journey through

Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

The Benefits of a Classical Education

Posted on by mvoet2013

One of the few bright spots of the past twelve months of the experiment into on-line learning for the masses is that many parents were able to experience what their students were learning up-close and personal.  As many students struggled academically and psychologically during this time, some parents became de facto students again, having to learn along with their children so they could assist them in completing assignments or studying for tests.  Some of the curriculum offered was outstanding, but some of the material left parents with question marks.  In spite of their best efforts, most teachers definitely struggled with on-line instruction, so some of the substandard curriculum was a result of that struggle and a real effort to avoid leaving any child behind. 

However, the issues with the curriculum beg the question of how curriculum is chosen in a particular school district.

There is no single answer for that question. In some cases, administrations or curriculum directors will dictate curriculum, in some cases teacher cohorts will choose the curriculum, and in some cases individual teachers will make recommendations.  Many urban schools or larger school districts generally follow national trends, whereas many rural schools tend to offer a more traditional curriculum approach.  Unfortunately, new trends in curriculum are being introduced at regular intervals, in many cases driven by pressure from government or large curriculum providers, often without the years of research and proven effectiveness that should be required before instituting a new curriculum.

As a result of the tutoring we have done over the years, we have been exposed to many different types of curriculum, covering all subject areas, from school districts all over the Fox Valley. 

In our experience, the more traditional, cohesive, and focused the curriculum, the easier it is for our students to learn, to retain, and to utilize that information later.  We have seen many ‘new trends’ come and go, some having a negative impact on large segments of the student population. 

One type of curriculum that we are very familiar with and that we would whole-heartedly recommend for school districts throughout the country is Classical Education.  In full disclosure, our children have/do attend St. Ignatius Catholic School in Kaukauna, so we have seen the benefits of a classical curriculum for over five years now.  So, what is Classical Education, and why has it been so successful for so many years?

Classical education has been the traditional form of education for literally thousands of years.  As one leading classical institution explains, “We teach differently because we have a different perspective on the Child. We believe that she is nothing less than the Divine Image, an icon of the invisible God.  She must be taught personally, in relationship.”

Classical schools and educators are committed to cultivating wisdom and virtue in their students, creating great thinkers and great leaders.

The elementary years in classical education focus on knowledge – filling the students’ minds with information they will need later.  2 + 2 always equals 4, science facts and science theory are separated out, and the Socratic method (asking the students questions like, “How would you solve this problem?”) is not utilized at all during this phase of education.  All subjects are taught in relationship to each other and in relationship to the wonder of the human person. 

The history of world is taught, with all of its blemishes and challenges, as well as individual stories of courage and strength.  In addition, classical educators take responsibility for the western tradition: to receive it, to assess it, to preserve it, and to hand it on to the next generation.  Current events are introduced in later elementary school, but the curriculum is not concerned with the dictates or the happenings of the current age.  Classical education students become excellent communicators through exposure to formal writing instruction, Latin, public speaking, spelling, and vocabulary. 

Students are taught how to be truly human in relationship to their maker and in their relationship to others.  The expectations of students, teachers, and administration regarding conduct, dress, and interactions with each other are not driven by the culture of the day but by the realization of the dignity of the human person.  Students are taught to think outside of themselves and to put their struggles and challenges in context to the struggles of human history. 

Classical education is a tried-and-true teaching model that works for students of all backgrounds and all learning abilities.  As the trend to classical education continues to blossom all over the country and the world, we hope that all those responsible for curriculum decisions will look more closely at the classical model. 

For all of those inside and outside the school walls who are frustrated with the challenges of the current education system, there is definitely hope for our students in classical education.

Tell the Truth

Posted on by mvoet2013

What a simple concept, really.  Whenever you speak, whatever you write, or however you communicate, always tell the truth.  Although this is a simple concept, humanity has been struggling with telling the truth for millennia.  Why is telling the truth sometimes so difficult, and why is it so important?

A doctorate in human psychology is not required to understand how lying became part of the human condition.  At the heart of it, lying is about self-preservation or self-glorification. 

At a base level, we have a need to feel safe and a need to be accepted; sometimes, in the moment, a lie seems to be the shortest path to achieve those goals.    

Over the centuries, as civilizations have developed, the lie has also evolved.  Instead of making a statement that is entirely untrue, some have learned that intentionally omitting certain facts from a narrative will achieve the same ends.  In addition, we all have a friend or family member that exaggerates to the point that their statements ‘lose some truth’ along the way.  Perhaps they feel that their reality will not meet with the approval of those around them, or maybe they enjoy being the center of attention as the ‘great storyteller’. 

History tells us that lies can be devastating both on a personal and on a global level.  The vast majority of human heartache has, as a root cause, a lie.  Marriages and families have been torn apart and kingdoms have been destroyed.  Hitler and the Nazis tried to perfect the art of the lie during WWII and were very successful using the lie to advance their maniacal plans to conquer the world.   Paul Goebbels was the Reich Minister of Propaganda of Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945.  Goebbels and Hitler believed that if you tell a lie often enough and loud enough, people will believe it; this is especially true if the lie involves demonizing another person or a group of people.

Many politicians and most of the media have taken this strategy to heart in an effort to gain influence, power, and control.  Much of popular culture (Hollywood, politicians, media) is promoting lies consistently, ubiquitously, and with intimidation, that fly directly in the face of truth as we know it in our hearts and minds; nevertheless, those lies are slowly becoming truths for a significant segment of the population because the lie is easier than the truth in the short term.

So why tell the truth if lying has become so prevalent and beneficial? 

Simply because if you avoid the truth consistently enough, you will literally lose yourself in the lies.  As Jesus himself states in John Chapter 8 verse 32, “The Truth will set you free”.  God is Truth and Love, and running from truth is running from God, love, and the best version of yourself. 

Truth develops integrity and trust.  Truth allows us to be people who say what they mean and mean what they say.  When we mess up or do something we are not proud of, as we all do, being truthful requires us to admit that mistake to others, which can be a very painful process; the pain will make you think twice about making that same mistake again in the future and telling the truth will renew your faith in yourself and cleanse your soul.

Kids lie.  This fact can be very frustrating and confusing for parents.  Even very young children will deny hitting their sister or ‘messing’ their diaper in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Teenagers will lie about friend groups, reasons for missing curfew, or being too sick to go to school. 

Much of this is normal kid behavior; however, we as parents must teach our children that although a lie might provide short-term benefits, lies always cause long-term damage and hurt. 

In some cases, you can explain to your kids why lying is dangerous and how it will negatively impact them as they grow older; in some cases, punishments like ‘no phone for a month’ need to be implemented to give them a taste for how lies will create pain and suffering for them when they are older; in all cases, your children are watching to see if you value the truth over lies, even when it hurts. 

So tell the truth.  All the time.  Especially when it’s hard.

The Dangers of Low Expectations

Posted on by mvoet2013

As parents, students, and educators look ahead optimistically to next school year and getting back to ‘normal’, we should pause to re-examine what ‘normal’ should look like and make concrete plans to rebuild an education system worthy of this great country. 

The covid pandemic aside, over the past 30 or 40 years there has been a significant decline in the quality and substantiveness of the education our young people receive, and we need to aggressively reverse this trend today. 

There is plenty of blame to be scattered about when discussing why this has happened; some parents have completely washed their hands of being the primary educators of their children and in some cases have abdicated the parenting role as well, making it nearly impossible to educate their students; politicians have become overly involved in the education process as they mine for votes, choosing to throw tremendous amounts of money and unproductive ‘mandates’ into the system, causing some in administrative roles to chase the money versus doing what’s best for the students; teachers who have long ago lost their passion for teaching or perhaps were never truly called to be an educator wait out their time until retirement with no risk of being fired or replaced.

So where do we go from here, and how do we turn this massive ship? 

The first and most important step in this process is for educators and parents alike to dramatically raise the educational expectations for their students.  Whether our students struggle to learn due to behavioral or neurological challenges, or whether our students come from erratic home situations, or whether our students have the intellectual ability to become the next Isaac Newton, we are obligated to provide our students with the tools and the encouragement they require to achieve their full potential. 

There have been many inspirational true stories (and movies made about them) detailing the successful transformation of miserably failing schools that were transformed when a leader steps in and demands those high expectations.  But the transition to improved educational standards does not need to be that dramatic.  Many private schools, charter schools, and rural schools are providing excellence in education in very traditional ways.  These schools have many things in common: they rely on curriculum and teaching/learning strategies that are uncomplicated and have a proven track record over decades or more; they demand certain standards from their students including behavior, dress, and effort, and if those standards are not met, alternate means of educating those students are created to allow for the rest of the student body to reach their potential (even if graduation rates suffer);  and the staff and administration of these schools are committed to fielding the best teams of teachers and staff to provide the highest level of education, even though that requires them to fight the politicians, the status quo, and the education ‘system’. 

As this transition to excellence in education takes place, parents will need to take the lead in encouraging their students and demanding more. 

Instead of ridiculing the idea, parents will need to embrace the idea of homework on a daily basis and schools will need to provide parents with the tools they will need to assist their students with that homework.  When parents, educators, and the community all work together to raise educational standards in this country, our students are incredible, and they will step up. If we choose to do nothing, our young people will be unable to think critically, they will be relegated to occupations that do not challenge or interest them, never reaching their full potential, and they will be sheep all too willing to follow the next politician that promises them ‘safety and security’. 

If we choose to act, our young people will develop the confidence that comes with working hard and being successful, which will ultimately allow them to boldly pursue their rightful place in the world.

Hobbies

Posted on by mvoet2013

When I was growing up, most of the kids that I knew in my neighborhood and in my school had some sort of hobby.  I enjoyed riding and caring for horses; some of my close friends enjoyed gymnastics, some were into the exercise craze that was brand new back then, and others were amateur DJs who spent hours making ‘mixed tapes’ or buying the newest album.  Guy friends played the guitar/were in a garage band, some enjoyed hunting and fishing with friends, and others were ‘car guys’. 

Back then it seemed like everyone was into something outside of school and school sports, and most of my peers pursued their own interests outside of their parents’ involvement.

As Mike and I have raised our own children over the past 20+ years, we have noticed that young people are less able or willing to pursue hobbies unique to their passions.  Is that because video games and social media have sucked all of the oxygen out of our children’s world to the point that they do not have any free time/down time to investigate or imagine other possibilities?  Or are organized sports so ubiquitous and all-encompassing that our children can not see past this ‘hobby’ which has now become a money-making behemoth? 

Whatever the reason, we as parents need to be more proactive and intentional in helping our students learn about and experiment with different hobbies, even those that do not match perfectly with our own interests.

One example that we have experienced in our home relates to one of our sons and his interest in ice fishing.  Mike does like to fish, but ice fishing was not on his top 10 list.  I do not really like fishing and I hate being cold, so I had no interest.  In spite of that, we spent some time and effort and a little of bit of money to help our son get started.  He now has a group of friends that share his passion for the outdoors and we think this may be a life-long interest of his. 

Similarly, we had all of our children take piano lessons for a few years.  Two of our adult children still play, while our other three children have not touched a piano key since their final lesson.  All of our children have been taught how to cook for themselves; one of our children could make a month of tasty meals, two of our children could “make-do”, and two of our children would eat a lot of frozen pizza.  They all have been introduced to cooking, but only one had the passion to pursue it.

The key to assisting your child to develop interests outside of school and sports is to spread a wide net without spending a lot of money. 

When a hobby ‘sticks’, you can then invest more dollars into the activity or guide your student to spend wisely on the equipment or materials needed.  Try to get them comfortable with many different types of activities including sports, music, outdoor activities, reading, building things, etc.  Remember to include those hobbies (like ice fishing) that may not be in your wheel-house.  The challenge will be to do your research and to show the same amount of passion that you would show if it were a hobby that is interesting to you.

Now more than ever, our young people need to find pastimes that they can be passionate about and that move them away from social media and video games.  At the very least, these hobbies will provide them with a stress-management tool and a lifetime of enjoyment; ultimately, these hobbies may be a gateway to building a successful career in a related field.  Either way, we as parents may need to be the key that opens these doors.