Earlier this week, a family member shared a story about a friend of his who was bitten by dog while walking. The incident shook this gal up a bit as she needed medical attention and was hit with several thousand dollars in medical bills. She made contact with the dog owners several times, including writing two letters sharing the doctor bills and even offering to accept a payment plan if needed. There was a police report issued, so the case is very much open-and-shut from a guilt / responsible party perspective. In the six weeks that she has attempted to make contact, the dog owners have simply not responded. No ‘Go Away’, no ‘Talk to my lawyer’, no ‘You have the wrong guy’, just nothing. The gal will be taking the couple to small claims court, and the couple will end up paying more in court costs and settlement fees than the original cost of the doctor bills, so their avoidance tactics did not work.
Over the past handful of year, perhaps beginning with the Covid shutdown, hiding from life or not responding happens so regularly that a new word was created to describe it – Ghosting. Although the term is used more conventionally to describe when a friend fails to text or call you back, Ghosting is now far more insidious.
Most seasoned Human Resources professionals will have hundreds of unbelievable tales of perspective hires not showing up for interviews, or completing all of the onboarding paperwork and then not showing up for the first day of work; or perhaps coming to work for a day or two and then nothing – no phone call message that they had changed their minds, no text letting the employer know that they found another position, no email to tell them to take a flying leap – simply no response.
Avoidance tactics seldom work. In fact, for most of human history, avoiding the difficult aspects of life generally guaranteed abject poverty, misery, and sometimes death. If you failed to show up for work, you would be blacklisted by the entire village. Survival required that you help each other in times of difficulty, be present to others in their times of sorrow, and to be trustworthy. Being lazy, disrespectful toward others or just hiding from the realities of life were not an option until very recently.
Since Covid and even before Covid, it has become acceptable to be disrespectful to others. We, as a society, have become so little and cowardly that we do not have the fortitude to make those uncomfortable phone calls or face those difficult conversations. We have stooped so low that it is now acceptable to break off a long-standing relationship via text.
The digital world that we live in is partially to blame. Many in our younger generations were taught how to communicate digitally but were never taught the finer points of manners or common decency in human interaction.
The forces of evil that have pitted us against each other are also partially to blame. If you do not agree with my political point of view or my personal choices, I will set out to destroy your reputation by calling you names, slapping you with despicable labels, or badmouthing you on Facebook. The powers that be have conditioned us to be wary of our neighbor, not to trust the police or other authority figures, and to limit in-person human interaction.
This has culminated in a de-humanizing culture that chooses what is easier over what is right, regardless of whose day is messed up, or who is disrespected, or who is hurt.
Our job as parents is to counteract this trend by teaching our children to begin to honor and respect people as made in the image and likeness of God, not a means to an end. We must also instruct them to do the right thing when dealing with others and then share with them that doing the right thing is usually the hard thing. Human interactions fuel us, provide fulfillment, and give us purpose, but yes, can be messy.
Expose your kids to situations where they are required to interact with other kids and other adults and give them the tools they need to be successful. Firm handshakes, looking the other in the eye, introducing yourself, remembering names, making the other feel comfortable, and listening more than talking are old-fashioned strategies that are necessary today more than ever before.
Short of scams or wrong numbers, show the example by calling people back, even if you just tell them you are not available, or not interested, or please don’t call me again. Greet the cashier at the grocery store and lead with a smile in your workplace and in your community. Go to the funeral. Meet the friend group for lunch. Be kind to the customer service representative on the phone, even if you are not getting the result you are looking for.
Texts should be limited to short, concise information exchanges, and not used for in-depth discussions involving personal relationships. Force your kids to call a potential employer on the phone, or better yet, have them stop by in-person to introduce themselves and their reason for being there.
Don’t lie to others, by text, or phone call, or to their face. If you have a disagreement with another, call or visit to try to find a resolution or to agree to disagree. We will not get along with everyone, and some people should not be trusted, but lead with respect. Life is hard, but people, for the most part, are good. With all our technological advancements, the rules have not changed – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. – Matthew 7:12.