Give God a Try

Parenting is not easy.  There is no handbook.  The moment you feel comfortable and have everything figured out, your next child will throw a whole new set of complexities into the equation, causing you to stagger back a few steps.  Our children are susceptible to all types of challenges, including cuts and broken bones, sickness, anxiety, learning challenges, bullying, loneliness, and broken hearts, and our job as parents is to protect them from those hurts as best we can.  Our young people are faced with hundreds of small and large decisions every day from what to wear, to what to eat, to who to spend time with, to what to do with that time, and they look to their parents for guidance and example in making those decisions. 

As Mike and I are working our way through raising five children and running a tutoring company for over 10 years, we have commiserated with many parents who were in the midst of a struggle with one or more of their children.  In sitting with these parents and walking with them through their heartbreak, and then sharing similar experiences we may have had with our own children, we realized that there is generally not a one-size-fits-all solution to these challenges. 

Every family unit is so unique, personalities are so diverse, and individual struggles are so complex, that in many cases we could only listen and assure the parents of our prayers and support through those challenges. 

In dealing with these challenges, parents are often desperate and look to all sort of remedies.  Some parents look to self-help parenting books, some choose therapy for their children, others choose medications, some take a hands-off approach, and some take a helicopter-parent approach.  What most of these parents have in common, regardless of their approach, is that they live with constant doubt and are regularly second-guessing themselves; they often switch from one remedy to the next, as new suggestions or quick-fixes come their way. 

As our children dealt with those same struggles over the years, and as they deal with struggles yet to come, we have and will continue to depend on God to walk with us and to guide us through those challenges.  To be clear, God is not a vending machine, where you can pay with prayer or tithing and then receive the answer or the result you are looking for.  God is far too wonderful and in love with us to make our relationship purely transactional.  Our experience with God has been a friendship crafted in heaven; it is a friendship with Truth and Love Himself. 

As God loves our children even more than we do, we know that His direction and guidance will ultimately result in what’s best for them, even if that direction is difficult or requires patience. 

So how does one develop that relationship with God?  Unfortunately, there is no 5-step program or pill to take.  The good news is that you can begin today, simply by having a conversation with God.  Share your fears and your frustrations and do not be afraid to ask God for what you want.  Share your joys and your blessings, your triumphs, and your failures.  Then be still.  Be quiet.  Listen.  God is there, God is here, and he will answer your prayers.  Pray for the grace to be open to God’s guidance and the strength to do what he asks.  He has not failed us.  This does not mean that our lives and the lives of our children are perfect; however, in those challenges we are full of peace and confidence that we are guiding our children as God would. 

Allow your children to see you praying.  Share with them why you are praying and what your relationship with God means to you.  Encourage them to create their own relationship with God and to walk with Him during the good times and the struggles.  Find other parents and a church community who will support you as you walk with God and will witness to you how He has impacted their lives.  In a world that is full of uncertainty and chaos, give your children the constancy and the sure mooring that only God can provide.  Your children will still have their challenges and they will still suffer, but they will have the assurance that God is a friend that is bigger than all the world.  After all is said and done, your job is to get your children to heaven. 

If you have tried all the solutions the world has to offer, but are still feeling unsettled, give God a try.  He’s been waiting for you.

Reading, ‘Riting, & ‘Rithmetic

While watching the local or national news over the past ten plus years, one cannot help but notice that school boards and administrators have been front and center dealing with a whole host of controversial issues.  Those issues include:

  • “How much sex / lifestyle choices / gender issues should be included in health class?”
  • “Is the school district offering sufficient mental health support for children as the suicide rates continue to rise?”
  • “Should BLM posters be hung in classrooms or is that supporting a political ideology?”
  • “Will the local elementary school be providing the expanded federally-funded breakfast / lunch / dinner program?”
  • “Should ‘school’ include full-day childcare for my three-year-old?”
  • “Does forcing my child to urinate in a cup for mandatory drug tests infringe on her first amendment rights?”
  • “Should we spend $60 million on the new high school building with a pool and an indoor workout facility, or just $55 million with no pool?”

As the education professionals will tell you, the list goes on and on and on. 

All of these issues have one thing in common: they have nothing to do with the original mission of the public school system which is to assist parents in teaching our children reading, writing, arithmetic, and the ability to reason.

To say that the public school system in the United States has been forced into mission creep is the understatement of the past 150 years.  The reason mission creep should be avoided at all costs is that as each new area of focus is added, organizations take their eyes off their primary purpose.  The data is frighteningly clear that math and reading proficiency in the United States has been steadily declining and our young people will surely suffer as a result.  Administrators, teachers, and parents can all agree that school system personnel are pulled in far too many directions and as a result are unable to do any of it well.

So who is responsible for this mission creep and how do we reclaim the lofty and unique calling of the public school system?  As with most national problems, there is a complex matrix of causes and players, and many of those involved had the best of intentions in mind.  Over the past 30 years, as various problems affecting our students have been identified, elected officials have defaulted to the school systems to fix all of these ills for the simple fact that the schools already had many of the kids in their buildings.  But it does take two to tango, and the schools chose to dance.  Because billions of federal, state, and local dollars chase all of these issues, school administrators, school boards, and teachers unions viewed these dollars as an easy way to pad budgets and increase salaries.  In addition, some teachers who possibly should have chosen social work or community activism as their career choice prefer these causes to ‘just teaching’.  Lastly, and probably most importantly, many parents are far too willing to place all of the responsibility of raising their children onto the schools and the professionals who work there.

We as parents have the primary responsibility to rectify this steadily worsening situation; firstly, we must take back and own our duty as parents as the primary educators and caretakers of our children. 

The village can certainly provide a helping hand, but at the end of the day, the buck stops with the parent(s).  We need to do better. 

We need to re-learn algebra if necessary; we need to feed our kids a healthy breakfast before they leave in the morning and have them pack a healthy lunch to take with them; we need to shut off our electronic devices and talk with our children about their friends, their fears, their challenges and their dreams; we need to teach our children respect for and tolerance for all people and all opinions whether or not that view is popular or supported by the latest YouTube star or Hollywood actor; we need to choose schools based on the strength of their academic offerings and not on the number of state basketball championships. 

Politicians and communities need to encourage (and fund) innovative solutions to the challenges young people are experiencing; this will allow new organizations (governmental, non-profit, and for-profit) with separate teams and targeted missions to be charged with those responsibilities.  School administrators and teacher unions and school boards must also advocate for their teachers and refocus on their primary mission – education.  They must have the courage to say ‘no’ to mission creep, even if that means sacrificing the dollars that come with the ask.

Certainly, collaboration and mutual support are critical to achieve success for our young people, but the days of placing all the world’s problems on the front mat of our local schools need to be behind us.  This system is failing our kids.

Will You Let Me Answer Prayers in You

Every high school student that is aspiring to one day attend college understands the importance of community service on his / her resume.  Organizations like Key Club and National Honor Society have community service at the core of their missions and provide a variety of events and activities for students to positively impact their school and/or their local community.  Having been members of both of these organizations, our older children have been able to participate in ringing bells for the Salvation Army, volunteering for blood drives, teaching younger students local history at the Grignon Mansion and collecting food to feed families that are facing financial challenges.  Through these experiences, our children have learned to look beyond themselves and their daily wants and needs and to focus on the needs of others.

Many other religious and service organizations including local church groups, service organizations like Rotary and Lions, and not-for-profits also provide much-needed dollars and resources to struggling populations throughout the country and the world.  In addition, the United States is by far the most generous nation in the world, sending billions of dollars to countries and families that have been stricken with drought, natural disasters, war, or disease.  Let us stay focused to ensure that these wonderful philanthropic efforts continue and expand over time.

Although much good is being accomplished locally, nationally, and internationally, there is an aspect of ‘serving thy neighbor’ that is being swallowed up by the institutionalization of community service.  Specifically, what has been lost in this new idea of group service is the act of being present, one-to-one, to a person in need. 

Many of us can remember a neighbor lady bringing over some warm meat loaf or chicken noodle soup when a loved one had passed.  Or perhaps a team of family and friends worked together to make meals for a family with young children whose mother went through a difficult delivery and was home with a new baby.  Sometimes it was just a telephone call, or an old friend stopping for coffee to ‘see how we were doing’ during a difficult time in our lives. 

None of these acts of being present to another were news worthy.  Huge amounts of money were not raised through a crowd-funding site; no families were given a new house to live in; the Mayor did not give out any humanitarian awards for these simple deeds; and the Earth was not saved from utter destruction.  However, just the same, these acts of loving thy neighbor were, and are, extraordinary.  They are so easy to do, but so difficult, somehow, in our mail-a-check-for-poverty society. 

A friend of mine once said, “I don’t go to funerals because I don’t like them, and I’d rather celebrate a person while they are alive.  Another friend responded, “Funerals are not about you.”  Being present to others does require us to think outside of ourselves; however, the encouraging part of these tremendously valuable experiences is that you do not have to worry about what to say or what to wear or what to bring.  Generally, if you just show up, the heavy lifting has already been done.  Thinking back to the funeral or to that difficult time in our lives, do we even remember what that person said to us when they came to us, or what they were wearing, or what food they brought?  Probably not, but we do remember who was there to sit with us, to listen, to be present to us.

Many of us are praying to God for some sort of miracle in our own lives or in the lives of people we love.  Do you suppose that you might be God’s answer to some of these prayers? 

We may not be able to cure someone of cancer or bring a loved one back to life, but we can do even more wonderous things than these for the hearts of those we touch.  If all of us, when we wake up in the morning, would say ‘Yes!’ to God’s question of, “Will you let me answer prayers in you?”, what a different world we would be living in.  Maybe cut out the words below from the Servant Song and tape them to your bathroom mirror.  Your kids will learn through your example the true meaning of community service.

The Servant Song

We are pilgrims on the journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you
In the nighttime of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I’ll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we’ve seen this journey through

Will you let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

Tell the Truth

What a simple concept, really.  Whenever you speak, whatever you write, or however you communicate, always tell the truth.  Although this is a simple concept, humanity has been struggling with telling the truth for millennia.  Why is telling the truth sometimes so difficult, and why is it so important?

A doctorate in human psychology is not required to understand how lying became part of the human condition.  At the heart of it, lying is about self-preservation or self-glorification. 

At a base level, we have a need to feel safe and a need to be accepted; sometimes, in the moment, a lie seems to be the shortest path to achieve those goals.    

Over the centuries, as civilizations have developed, the lie has also evolved.  Instead of making a statement that is entirely untrue, some have learned that intentionally omitting certain facts from a narrative will achieve the same ends.  In addition, we all have a friend or family member that exaggerates to the point that their statements ‘lose some truth’ along the way.  Perhaps they feel that their reality will not meet with the approval of those around them, or maybe they enjoy being the center of attention as the ‘great storyteller’. 

History tells us that lies can be devastating both on a personal and on a global level.  The vast majority of human heartache has, as a root cause, a lie.  Marriages and families have been torn apart and kingdoms have been destroyed.  Hitler and the Nazis tried to perfect the art of the lie during WWII and were very successful using the lie to advance their maniacal plans to conquer the world.   Paul Goebbels was the Reich Minister of Propaganda of Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945.  Goebbels and Hitler believed that if you tell a lie often enough and loud enough, people will believe it; this is especially true if the lie involves demonizing another person or a group of people.

Many politicians and most of the media have taken this strategy to heart in an effort to gain influence, power, and control.  Much of popular culture (Hollywood, politicians, media) is promoting lies consistently, ubiquitously, and with intimidation, that fly directly in the face of truth as we know it in our hearts and minds; nevertheless, those lies are slowly becoming truths for a significant segment of the population because the lie is easier than the truth in the short term.

So why tell the truth if lying has become so prevalent and beneficial? 

Simply because if you avoid the truth consistently enough, you will literally lose yourself in the lies.  As Jesus himself states in John Chapter 8 verse 32, “The Truth will set you free”.  God is Truth and Love, and running from truth is running from God, love, and the best version of yourself. 

Truth develops integrity and trust.  Truth allows us to be people who say what they mean and mean what they say.  When we mess up or do something we are not proud of, as we all do, being truthful requires us to admit that mistake to others, which can be a very painful process; the pain will make you think twice about making that same mistake again in the future and telling the truth will renew your faith in yourself and cleanse your soul.

Kids lie.  This fact can be very frustrating and confusing for parents.  Even very young children will deny hitting their sister or ‘messing’ their diaper in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Teenagers will lie about friend groups, reasons for missing curfew, or being too sick to go to school. 

Much of this is normal kid behavior; however, we as parents must teach our children that although a lie might provide short-term benefits, lies always cause long-term damage and hurt. 

In some cases, you can explain to your kids why lying is dangerous and how it will negatively impact them as they grow older; in some cases, punishments like ‘no phone for a month’ need to be implemented to give them a taste for how lies will create pain and suffering for them when they are older; in all cases, your children are watching to see if you value the truth over lies, even when it hurts. 

So tell the truth.  All the time.  Especially when it’s hard.

Hobbies

When I was growing up, most of the kids that I knew in my neighborhood and in my school had some sort of hobby.  I enjoyed riding and caring for horses; some of my close friends enjoyed gymnastics, some were into the exercise craze that was brand new back then, and others were amateur DJs who spent hours making ‘mixed tapes’ or buying the newest album.  Guy friends played the guitar/were in a garage band, some enjoyed hunting and fishing with friends, and others were ‘car guys’. 

Back then it seemed like everyone was into something outside of school and school sports, and most of my peers pursued their own interests outside of their parents’ involvement.

As Mike and I have raised our own children over the past 20+ years, we have noticed that young people are less able or willing to pursue hobbies unique to their passions.  Is that because video games and social media have sucked all of the oxygen out of our children’s world to the point that they do not have any free time/down time to investigate or imagine other possibilities?  Or are organized sports so ubiquitous and all-encompassing that our children can not see past this ‘hobby’ which has now become a money-making behemoth? 

Whatever the reason, we as parents need to be more proactive and intentional in helping our students learn about and experiment with different hobbies, even those that do not match perfectly with our own interests.

One example that we have experienced in our home relates to one of our sons and his interest in ice fishing.  Mike does like to fish, but ice fishing was not on his top 10 list.  I do not really like fishing and I hate being cold, so I had no interest.  In spite of that, we spent some time and effort and a little of bit of money to help our son get started.  He now has a group of friends that share his passion for the outdoors and we think this may be a life-long interest of his. 

Similarly, we had all of our children take piano lessons for a few years.  Two of our adult children still play, while our other three children have not touched a piano key since their final lesson.  All of our children have been taught how to cook for themselves; one of our children could make a month of tasty meals, two of our children could “make-do”, and two of our children would eat a lot of frozen pizza.  They all have been introduced to cooking, but only one had the passion to pursue it.

The key to assisting your child to develop interests outside of school and sports is to spread a wide net without spending a lot of money. 

When a hobby ‘sticks’, you can then invest more dollars into the activity or guide your student to spend wisely on the equipment or materials needed.  Try to get them comfortable with many different types of activities including sports, music, outdoor activities, reading, building things, etc.  Remember to include those hobbies (like ice fishing) that may not be in your wheel-house.  The challenge will be to do your research and to show the same amount of passion that you would show if it were a hobby that is interesting to you.

Now more than ever, our young people need to find pastimes that they can be passionate about and that move them away from social media and video games.  At the very least, these hobbies will provide them with a stress-management tool and a lifetime of enjoyment; ultimately, these hobbies may be a gateway to building a successful career in a related field.  Either way, we as parents may need to be the key that opens these doors.  

Don’t Wish Away the Early Years

As I watched a young couple in the front pew at church today in constant motion attempting to contend with their four young children, I couldn’t help but smile at the innocence of the scene.  The parents certainly were not sharing my smile, and if I had asked them after mass how they were feeling, their feedback may not have been entirely positive. 

Caring for young children is not easy.  Babies and toddlers require constant attention and parenting can be very physically and emotionally draining. 

As children that age cannot articulate what they need and often don’t know themselves what they need, parenting can be very frustrating.  Young children do not travel well and generally are on very fixed napping schedules, so parents can feel isolated; some new parents have a sense that life on the ‘outside’ is passing them by.  New families often have limited budgets, and with diapers, formula, and rent/mortgage there is often little left for spontaneous vacations or even dinner out on a regular basis.

Mike and I have experienced all of those challenges when our children were young.  We often felt overwhelmed by the daily grind and unqualified to take on such an intimidating responsibility.  I chose to stay home with our children for some years, and there definitely were days that I would have submitted my resignation if that were a possibility.  Mike will remind me of days when he would return from work and I would meet him at the door, place a baby in his arms, and then drive off in the car without saying a word.  He knew that my day must have been rough and that I need some time (at least a few hours) ‘away’.

For a number of years, our focus was almost entirely on raising our children and there was little time for a thriving social life.  Mike and I leaned on each other to get through the difficult days; we understood the awesomeness of our vocation and we invested much of ourselves into our family. 

We were very tired, but we were very happy.

Now that our children are older, our memories of those years are entirely positive.  We remember little people in footie pajamas, carrying a special blanket, snuggling in to read “Ten Little Bears” and falling asleep in our arms.  We remember big-eyed babies smiling a fat-faced smile, ‘talking’ without using words, or sucking on our fingers between meals.  We remember first steps, band-aids on bloody knees, and walks in the woods.  We remember bubbles in the tub, tiny fingers grabbing Cheerios off the tray, and warm bottles. 

If you are fortunate enough to have one or more little people in your home, try to be as present as you can be to this season in your life.  There is nothing in your life that you will do that will be as significant or as meaningful as what you are doing today.  Do not wish it away.  Parenting will require everything you have to give, but know that you alone are uniquely crafted for this role.  Trust us when we tell you that life goes fast, and that you will be sending your baby off to college before you know it. 

Life after little ones is great, but life with little ones is truly awesome. 

Give Your Student the Gift of Joy

When discussing the malaise that many of us are feeling, an associate of mine recently observed, “The world feels heavy all over”.  Many factors have contributed to this mental fog, including the Covid virus, the lockdowns, extreme political and ideological division in every aspect of our daily lives, the caustic and partisan media on both sides of the aisle, and our general feeling of disconnectedness.

Although many of us as adults are experiencing the discomfort that comes with this current reality, most of us have the necessary coping skills and the benefit of a lifetime of challenges to navigate our way through these troubling times.  Our young people may not have these life skills and may well be suffering far more than we realize.

So how do we assist our children to develop a lasting sense of joy, in spite of the negativity and hardships they may be facing from the outside world.  Before we answer that question, we need to discuss the difference between happiness and joy.  By definition, happiness is a response to happenstance, contentment, good luck, prosperity, or good fortune. Happiness is also a reaction to pleasure.  In other words, happiness is a response to worldly influences.

Joy, on the other hand, is a personal fullness or sense of completeness in one’s entire life; or, a deep peace which comes from the indwelling of God within a person, and lasts despite hardship.  Happiness comes and goes, but joy lasts and cannot be taken from us once we have it.

Unfortunately, we cannot share what we do not have.  Do we have a sense of joy in our lives (ie: personal fullness / sense of completeness / deep peace) that is not dependent on what the world throws at us?  Or are we consumed and overwhelmed by outside influences and the negativity of others?  Perhaps an important first step in developing a sense of joy is to turn our attention inward versus outward.  Not inward in the secular sense of selfishness or narcissism, but rather a self-analysis of what aspects of our lives may be working against that joy.  Are we overly focused on what others think, or what others have, or events in the world that are out of our control?  Do we count our blessings and realize that in the whole of human history, including 2020, we are the most fortunate human beings in regard to personal freedom and opportunity for self-fulfillment?  Do we see the good in others despite the fact that all of us will disappoint one another on a fairly regular basis?

As that sense of joy begins to build, some of our anxiety, frustrations, and anger will begin to dissipate.  Joy will not make the challenges of our lives go away; however, joy will provide us with a new sense of perspective that will allow us to view those hardships through a more positive and grounded lens.  Eventually we will be able to share that joy with others as it will become a part of who we are.  We can be more present to those around us instead of being self-consumed and pre-occupied.  As joy becomes a habit, we will naturally navigate away from those influences (people, social media, ‘news’) that steals or disrupts our joy.

This joy should direct every aspect of our lives, from how we greet each other in the morning to how we deal with difficulties or personal conflicts within our homes.  If our kids come to us stressed or obsessing on a negative aspect of their lives, we can provide them perspective on the issue and assure them that they are good.  We can celebrate the little things in life and focus on the joy of being together.  We can complement our children daily and limit the negative comments.  We can shut down our screens and laugh more as a family.

Focusing on today will become our priority and we will worry less about the future.

We will then model that joy to our children.  We will be able to guide our children in accepting / rejecting various inputs in their life to create their own sense of inner peace and contentment.  They will see our joy and that joy will be contagious.

This Christmas season, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 13: 15)

Students Need “Hope and Joy” Message

It goes without saying that all of us have been negatively impacted by the Covid virus and the media and political firestorm that has ignited as a result of the virus.

Some of us have lost jobs or have had businesses shut down, some of us are isolated and unable to connect with others, some of us have heightened anxiety based on what we have seen on the news, and others of us are simply exhausted and tired of the conflicting data and contradictions.  As adults, we understand that life can be difficult, and we are gifted with various coping mechanisms that allow us to endure and persevere.  We can disconnect ourselves from the news and social media, and we have lived long enough to realize that this too shall pass with time.

Our students, on the other hand, have a more limited perspective and fewer coping skills.  They have been inundated over the past five months with fear-mongering on social media, cancelations of school and sports, confusing and contradictory mandates from all sorts of adults, and anxiety within their own homes.  If we as adults feel as though we have lost some control of our lives through this hysteria, we need to take a moment and step into the shoes of our students to realize how dizzying daily life has become.

With our youngest child going into grade 8, we do not have ‘littles’ in our home anymore.  But my heart goes out to the kindergarten or first grade student who may struggle with the first day of school because it is a big step in a little person’s life.  If we add anxiety and fear related to the Covid virus to this process, some students will be overwhelmed and shut down.

As the new school year approaches, parents, school teachers / administrators and politicians need to be cognitive of the mental and emotional well-being of our students, while at the same time keeping them physically safe.

Most of the local school districts have announced their re-opening plans, and all of those plans include the widest possible array of safety measures.  These measures are important and necessary, but how parents, teachers / school officials, and politicians present these ‘changes’ to the students will make all the difference in whether or not our students make a healthy transition to the new reality.

This messaging certainly begins at home.  In spite of the anxiety or pressures we as parents may be dealing with during this frustrating time, we must shield our students to the extent that we are able.  As every living human on the planet is now intimately familiar with the Covid virus, less information may be better than more information moving forward.  As all students in Wisconsin will be required to wear a mask for the first month of school, try to make it a fun, new experience for your younger students.  Spend the extra money on a personalized mask, or wear masks around the house while playing together.  Let your student know that there is no danger to them if they do contract the virus, but they are wearing the mask to keep older adults like grandma and grandpa safe.  If you are upset that your student is required to wear a mask, do not share that with your child as at this point, Governor Evers’ mandate requires it.

We have noticed on many school district press releases that much discussion will be had with students reviewing the daily safety requirements and impressing upon them the importance of following the new guidelines.  As most students need to hear new information a number of times before it sinks in, this strategy definitely makes sense.  However, the tone with which this message is shared with the students can assist our students to thrive in spite of the chaos, or, on the other hand, can heighten anxiety and cause them to recoil further within themselves.  Apocalyptic death sermons are not an appropriate strategy to cajole students into following the new directives.  Smiling faces (behind the masks), positive reinforcement, and a ‘let’s work together to keep everyone safe’ attitude will keep our students safe physically and healthy emotionally and mentally.

At this point in the lifecycle of the virus drama, our students need joyful hearts and hope that life will get back to normal sooner than later.  We as adults need that as well.

What Did our Kids Really Learn?

Since the schools began shutting down in March and shifting to an on-line format, there has been much discussion and debate regarding how to effectively teach students remotely.

School administrators and teachers had several large hurdles to overcome, including the abruptness of the change, technology challenges, and a huge disparity of support / learning environments within the student homes.  As a result of those factors, and in spite of the best efforts of teachers and parents alike, most would agree that student learning was significantly hampered for the last three months of the school year when compared to in-classroom learning.  Most educators would agree that in-person teaching and learning is the most effective as it utilizes the dynamics of personal relationships and human emotion to develop a student’s true potential.  Let us hope and pray that our leaders allow us to return to this style of education when school begins again in the fall.

If we acknowledge that our students did not gain as much ‘book learning’ this quarter as they should have, we also need to acknowledge that they learned many ‘real world’ lessons that will serve them well.

The first and most important lesson that our students learned is that life is about relationships and being present to one another.  No matter how far technology advances or how simple and easy a Zoom meeting becomes, nothing substitutes for a hand on the shoulder from a teacher, or a pat on the back from a coach, or a poke in the ribs from a friend, or a grandma’s hugs.  People are the most important.  We are at our best when our lives are spent with others and for others.

Students may have also learned that school isn’t so bad after all.  During our remote tutoring sessions here at Life Tools Tutoring, many of our students are sharing with us that they miss their traditional school day; they miss their friends, they miss the structure of the day, they miss the sense of purpose that the school day provides, and they miss the creative teaching techniques that in-person teaching allows.  Academics can become very one-dimensional when all of the learning is done on-line, and a bored student sometimes loses interest.

Life can be hard sometimes, and we are not always in control of what happens next.  For most adults, this message has been learned through many hardships, challenges, and disappointments.  We understand that we are not always in control and that sometimes bad things happen to good people and there is no explaining it.

With parents’ assistance, our young people can learn that even though challenges and difficulties in life will arise, they need to put on courage and continue to move forward.

They may not be able to control every aspect of their lives, but they can control how they react to those events and the attitude they bring to those around them.

And remind your student that they are blessed to live in the United States of America with all of the freedom and responsibilities that come with that privilege.  Let them know that most people throughout all of human history, including most of the current population of the planet had/have no freedom except those bestowed on them by tyrants or oppressive governments.  Our ability to move about as we wish and to make our own choices without the fear of imprisonment or death is very unique in the context of human history.  Sometimes freedom can be best taught when some of those freedoms are taken from us for a time.

Although most young people are high-energy and are usually looking for their next adventure, perhaps our kids now realize that we do not have to be chasing from one activity to another 24 / 7 in order to live a happy, fulfilled life.  Quiet time is ok.  Dinner with the family on a regular basis creates bonds that will last a lifetime.  The simple things in life are often the best, and they can be missed if we are moving too fast.

As the safer-at-home order winds down, talk to your kids about their experience.  Perhaps they learned much more than we realized.

The Bright Side of ‘Remote Learning’

As about a month has passed since the schools were shut down in our area, most parents and students have grudgingly made the transition to digital learning.  That transition has been challenging for some and downright miserable for others.  In some cases, families were not equipped with the proper technology (hardware, software, or internet), or technology know-how, to make on-line learning manageable.  In other cases, parents who are considered ‘essential workers’ were required to continue working outside of the home, leaving little time for them to assist their children with homework.  For other parents who were traditionally ‘hands-off’ regarding their student’s academic journey, they have been forced to engage in a world that is very unfamiliar to them.

As an aside, many teachers and school districts have done an outstanding job in walking parents and students through the technology fog and in providing ‘remote hot-spots’ for internet access, etc.  As our Life Tools Tutoring tutors have transitioned (temporarily at least) to on-line tutoring, we have been awed and gratified by the tireless and very personal approach that teachers and school districts have taken to this change.  Their collective response was quick, professional, and, as important, robust in regard to workload and content.  A shout-out to those teachers – keep up the great work!

Now that most of us have this remote learning thing more or less under control, and our students have fallen into a routine of sorts, is it possible to make this challenging time an opportunity for our students and our families?  The answer is a resounding ‘YES’ if you are open to taking that journey.

At Life Tools Tutoring, we believe that all parents should be involved in their student’s academic journey.  That does not mean that all students (specifically middle school and high school students) need to be micromanaged by their parents.  It does mean, however, that parents be engaged in the details and walk with their student on their academic path.  With the schooling taking place in your home, now is that opportunity.  What, exactly, is my middle-school student learning in math class?  If I see her struggling, can I find additional on-line resources to provide review or repetition of those concepts?  Do I feel that my student’s teacher has gone off the ‘new-math’ deep end?  Maybe take some time and investigate the new math strategies to learn how they work and what the value is to those strategies.  Or, after having investigated those strategies, you feel that a more traditional approach would be more useful, reach out to your teacher or you school administration and share your thoughts.  You do have a voice in your student’s curriculum.  At the very least, learning the new math strategies together could be a bonding opportunity for you and your student.

If your student is asked to read an article for English / Language Arts or Social Studies, read the article along with your student to learn what your student is being exposed to.  Prompt your student to investigate all sides of a particular societal issue or period in history and help him to develop a unique opinion based on facts and historical perspective, versus emotion or knee-jerk.  Bring those discussions to the dinner-table (we can actually eat dinner together as a family!) and see where they go.  Or ask your student what about history intrigues them; if war is the topic, there are countless documentaries available on-line that do an outstanding job of sharing the history while recounting the very personal tales of courage and sacrifice.  Turn off the video games and ‘America’s Got Talent’ and sit with your child.  Learning world history and/or our country’s history is time well-spent and provides our young people with a much-needed perspective.  Or, better yet, find a book on the topic and read it together.  Now is a perfect opportunity for your entire family to discover the joy and wonder of reading.

And your young-person’s curriculum does not need to be limited by what the school sends home.  Teach your kids how to cook or bake; let them experiment with different spices or recipes; ask them to double the batch and have them work out the math on the ‘½ teaspoons’ and ‘¾ cups’.  If fishing is your thing, have your student construct a home-made booklet of ‘Common Fish in Wisconsin’, complete with pictures and a short description.  Prep your fishing gear for the upcoming season with your children and take the time to teach them how to tie a hook or why some baits are more effective than others depending on the time of the year.  As God is no longer included in public school curriculum, maybe now is a chance to rediscover your faith, along with your children, or to pass along the beliefs and traditions that you were taught as a young person.  Utilize the website of your local place of worship or connect with like-minded friends and family as resources on that journey.

Spend some time outside every day if possible.  As planting season is upon us, involve your students in the planning process and let them have a say in what vegetables make the cut.  Plant the seeds in a seed tray in your house so you can watch the growing process day-by-day.  Your student will learn patience as well as an appreciation for the wonder of nature.  Take the family on a bike ride or encourage your middle-schooler to run a mile every day and then increase the distance as they feel comfortable.  Or, simply let your family know that everyone needs to spend at least one hour per day outside and let everyone use their own imagination and creativity to occupy that hour.

Education begins at home.  As parents, we all know this to be true, but often the busyness of life gets in the way of that responsibility.  Now is our opportunity to reclaim the role.  Now is our opportunity to be truly present to our children and intentional in how we are shaping them.  You may even look back at this difficult time with gratitude.

By: Beth Voet