Our son-in-law recently shared with us his family’s tradition around deer hunting. The tradition includes deer hunting and then getting together at his parents’ home to process the deer that they harvested that week. The gatherings include his parents and siblings, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles, and even an old neighbor or two. Stories are told, meals are shared, and the younger family members learn from those who are older. He concluded his telling of the tradition by commenting, “It is one of the best weeks of the year,” as a smile spread over his face.
The conversation then turned to some of the traditions that our family has enjoyed over the years, some of which have carried on, some of which have been supplanted by others, and some that are now just faded memories. Many of our family traditions were carried on from our parents; some of those include gathering with the extended family for holidays, buying or cutting down a live Christmas tree and decorating as a family, hiding Easter baskets for the kids to find on Easter morning, candy in the stockings for St. Nick’s Day, and a week ‘up north’ in the summer. These traditions are very special for Mike and I as they have provided countless happy memories that span many decades and several generations of family and friends.
Other traditions we started on our own when the kids were young. For many years, our family would pick strawberries in June together. The younger kids would walk and eat strawberries while the older kids would pick some and eat more strawberries. Somehow, we did manage to gather enough strawberries to make jelly, strawberry shortcake and to fill the freezer for smoothies throughout the year. Similarly, we never missed apple picking in Hollandtown in late September. As the kids would pick the apples, we took a few minutes to ‘interview’ each of the kids (with a large, clunky camcorder) to get updates on how old they were, what they liked doing for fun and how school was going so far that year. As the kids grew older, the group continued to grow smaller until eventually we stopped picking our own strawberries and apples, but we have a treasure-trove of photos and videos and memories of those moments.
Other ‘traditions’ came out of nowhere and were enforced by our kids. When our oldest was gifted his first cell phone in 8th grade, that became the tradition. Thankfully, as cell phones became more popular and younger and younger kids were getting cell phones, the tradition at our house was never questioned, and all of our kids received their phones in 8th grade. Needless to say, Mike and I were very happy to maintain that ‘tradition’. One year we made monkey rolls for breakfast for one of the holidays and the next thing we knew, the kids were expecting monkey rolls for breakfast for every holiday. We realized early on that these requests were less about the monkey rolls and more about the consistency of the family tradition. First-day-of-school pictures in front of the refrigerator and ‘Voet Summer Olympics’ are other examples of activities that started innocently enough but then transitioned into traditions that continued for fifteen years or more.
As adults, as we think back to our own childhood traditions, we can remember smells and sounds and sights that transport us in time. Traditions can evoke strong positive feelings and memories in all of us, but why is that? Why do traditions make up such a large part of who we are and why are they so important?
Firstly, traditions are primarily about spending time together – required time where no excuses are allowed. Traditions create bonds and shared memories that bring and keep families together, in spite of personality differences or quarrels that come and go. Traditions, at their core, are about people.
Additionally, traditions provide parents with a wonderful way to reinforce faith and trust in God by weaving religious practices into the fabric of everyday life within the home. The Advent Calendar provided a fun learning experience as we counted the days until Christ’s birth, and playing quietly in the house from noon to 3pm on Good Friday provided quiet time to contemplate what Holy Week and Easter were really all about. Fourth of July celebrations were about thanking God for our freedom and Thanksgiving was about thanking God for everything else. Traditions tell us what is important.
Lastly, in the chaos of everyday life, traditions provide a rhythm and a consistency to life that allows young people to feel connected and secure. Friends and romantic relationships may come and go, and life will inevitably have its ups and downs, but the same familiar gatherings and family traditions will be there. Traditions provide consistency and roots in a world that thrives on new and despises what was.
Take time to create your own family traditions or borrow some from your parents or grandparents. Even if your kids are teenagers, it is not too late to plant some simple traditions. If you take a few years to nourish these traditions, you may just find that your kids will be expecting them for years to come. And that’s a great thing.