We have all heard or read this sentiment many times over the course of our lives. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22: 34-40) Or similar related sayings such as “Treat others the way you would like to be treated”.
The first point to be made is to identify what is missing from these words of wisdom. There is no mention of me, my needs, my personal financial success, my status in the world, or my personal power or glory. There is nothing wrong with attending to our personal needs, including financial stability, exercise, mental well-being, and fulfillment, but if those needs occupy all our time, we need to rethink our priorities and realign them with what we know to be true.
Deep in our hearts, we all know the truth that God should be first in our lives, others should be second, and then we should come somewhere after that. What’s ironic is that we are promised personal fulfillment and ‘happiness’ in this life and the next if we adopt this lifestyle. Not necessarily ‘happiness’ as the world defines it – self-absorbed pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of anything uncomfortable – but ‘happiness’ in the sense of ‘I know my purpose in the world and I’m ready to get up each morning and make that difference’.
But what do those sayings mean, really, and are we prioritizing these ideas as we raise our children? How do we put God first and what does loving others well look like in everyday life? More importantly, what do I need to let go of in order to restructure my life and the lives of those in my family?
As God gave a particular order to the two commandments listed above, let’s stick with that order and start with placing God at the top of our priority pyramid. The ‘Good News’ here is that God is desperately seeking a relationship with us and we only need to stop occasionally and listen to Him or share with Him. Prayer can take many forms, but all forms of prayer require some time from your day. If you are new to the prayer game, commit to just checking in with God when you wake up and again when you lay your head down at night. Ask Him to stay with you and your loved ones through the day and give you Wisdom in the decisions you make. If you crack that door, He will not let you down. As your relationship with God progresses, you can explore ways to formalize your prayer life with set prayers or a prayer app (eg: Hallow), or reading the Bible, or exploring a good church in your community. Eventually, you will be able to feel the presence of God in your life and ‘hear’ him as he leads your path. Take your children on this journey with you. When they see the peace and stability that is developing in your life, they will want to discover God for themselves.
Now that seems like a significant enough commitment already for one person, but, as we know, this is a two-step process. Step two is simply to love others well. So, who are ‘others’ and what does ‘love others well’ even mean? This step requires a radical paradigm shift for most of us, shifting our focus from inward to outward. The voices in the world are sure to fight you every step of the way as you make this transformation. Loving others means to ‘will the good of another’, wherever we encounter the other.
Some of you with children may feel that you have this box checked. Kids have a natural ability to demand our attention, but loving our children well requires our complete focus. Our work commitments are important, and enjoying some free time is also important, but loving your children should be your primary goal. Loving them may mean that you tell them no, or provide discipline when needed, or sit with them when they are sad, or listen when they choose to share. Not when it’s convenient for you, but whenever they are in need.
Loving others also includes extended family members, neighbors, and those in our communities. These acts of love can be incredibly simple, but can have tremendous impacts on those around us, whether we know it or not. The next time you interact with a cashier or service provider, take a moment to look them in the eye, ask them how they are, and then wait for a response. Allow the aggressive driver on the highway to move in front of you and try to understand what might be going on in their life that is making them so unsettled. Go talk to your new neighbor and see if there is anything they need. When that difficult family member tries to goat you into an argument, smile and change topics to something else you know they are interested in. Make that phone call or return that text, even if you don’t feel like it or are busy with other things. If someone asks your advice, love them well enough to tell them the truth, if it will help them, even if the truth might be difficult to hear.
If you commit to making this transformation and prioritize God and others ahead of yourself, God will keep you close and provide you with ample opportunities to love others. This will not make your life easy, but it will make your life full and more peace-filled. Your children will learn by example what is most important.