In spite of the unusually warm weather the past few weeks, the fall schedule is definitely upon us. The new school year kicked off, fall sports and other extra curriculars are in full swing, and even work life seems to be moving faster after our summer vacations and time away from the office. Many of us with families can get swept away by the tsunami of commitments, appointments, events and obligations that seem to auto-fill our calendars this time of the year.
If we are not careful, our lives can become poorly controlled chaos where we see each other in passing as we are running out the door or jamming some fast food down our throats in order to check off the next thing on the list. We can feel powerless to take control of our lives and fearful that if we do not say yes to everything that our children will fall behind or be cheated in some way. To add to our anxiety, social media is replete with pictures of first place trophies, private lessons, plane travel to somewhere, and, above all, smiling kids.
So, how do we as parents re-take control of our lives and our family’s peace of mind while still exposing our children to a broad spectrum of experiences and activities? The key is to know that you have choices, you are in control of your schedule, and most importantly, your kids are depending on you to protect them from the chaos. Begin by CHOOSING what you want your lives to feel and look like. Is eating dinner together three or four times per week important to you? Would you like at least an hour of down time each night where you can play / read with your kids and just enjoy some carefree timelessness? Are religious commitments a priority for your family? Are there hobbies or traditions that you would like to make time for with your kids like fishing, hiking, or volunteering? After you have determined the priorities, then and only then can you begin to investigate other opportunities that will fit in that plan.
As sports are probably the most pervasive activity available to our young people, overcommitting in this area could easily overwhelm the best laid plans. Team sports and individual sports are great for our kids. Teamwork, commitment, perseverance, confidence, overcoming adversity, and physical fitness are just a handful of the positive effects that come from sports. The challenge can occur when parents involve their students in too many different sports or feel compelled to commit the family’s schedule (as well as thousands of dollars) to a highly demanding travel sport. Generally speaking, if you find yourself making a decision out of fear (e.g.: will it hurt my child in some way if I don’t sign up), you are most likely not making the best decision for your child or your family.
When deciding what sports your child should play, pay attention to your child’s interests and abilities. Consider how demanding the expectations are given the age of the child and if those expectations match your plan. Instead of joining the travel baseball team, perhaps consider joining the summer league and taking the spring and fall off. At this point, you may need to take a deep breath and come to terms with the fact that your son will most likely not play in the MLB, and perhaps not even play in high school. And that’s ok.
Work / life balance can also have a major impact on our family’s schedule and quality of life. Although younger generations seem to espouse a better perspective on how much time they would like to commit to their careers, work still commands much of their time, especially with both parents working full-time. Here again is where you get to choose, especially if you are fortunate enough to have both parents together in the home. There are definitely seasons where a parent needs to work long hours to complete a project or to achieve a promotion; however, if your work is your first priority to the detriment of your family life, know that you are choosing. Do you need to find a different job or career that will be more conducive to a healthy and happy family life? Or do you need to consider one of you working part-time, if possible, or even staying home full-time with the kids for a period of time? This will require a financial sacrifice for you and your family, and you may not be able to post pictures from your Disney vacation, but the healthy rhythm of your home lives will be more than worth the sacrifice.
Know that the most important component in raising healthy, happy, well-adjusted kids is a safe, happy, peace-filled home life. Sports, school commitments, extra-curriculars, and social activities are all important, but they all take a backseat to the home. Know your kids, trust yourself, turn off social media, and enjoy your time with your kids. The time goes fast.